There's a viral post going around;
One with a birth photographer's conversation with a possible client.
You can see the ends of the conversation HERE.
Long story short, the conversation said something along the lines of:
if you have a cesarean, you aren't really a mother
and aren't really giving birth
and I won't take your photos.
Before you go storming off to Sanctimommy
(which is where it was originally published)
to give them a piece of your mind,
it is satire.
Simply put, it was a troll.
Someone trying to get a rise out of everyone.
The sad truth is, these people do exist.
Now, we are all for people having boundaries and drawing lines for businesses,
but the thing is, you don't have to be a jerk about it.
Just this week I read on a FB board that a doula clearly said they "release" their client if they elect to have a cesarean...
SAY WHAT NOW AGAIN!?
People still say "I'm so sorry" to me when I tell them I've had cesareans.
I'm not sorry.
My emotional turmoil from them was all rooted in the words others spoke to me;
not in how or why I truly had and wanted/ needed them.
Whatever you may call them.
They are BIRTH.
They deserve to be celebrated and supported and recognized just the same.
With over 30% of births being cesareans, you'd think we'd be at a place where we didn't need to have this conversation;
Where people didn't need to create satire screen shots to prove a point.
But they do,
to prove the point even louder!
The point is:
it is crap.
The way some people get treated because of, after, and/or before their cesareans
As if the major surgery isn't enough,
they get emotionally shamed as well.
take a good look at where we are and realize this has to end now.
We, as doulas and human beings, stand up today and say:
We support you, your choices, and your cesarean.
We won't leave you if you have one.
We won't leave you if you want one.
We will be there for you before, during, and after.
Whether you planned it or it is an emergency that has left you upset,
we will be there by your side.
Have you ever been sick?
I mean like REALLY sick, to the point that you just needed to stay in bed.
Those moments of laying there and truly believing it was never going to end
and you couldn't keep going on,
throwing up everything
and not knowing how to move to even come close to being comfortable.
Think back to one of those times...
Was someone there to help take care of you?
What types of supportive things did they say?
Did they offer suggestions?
Offer a shoulder to lean on?
An ear to listen to you?
Bring you warm soup and cool water?
Wipe your forehead off with a cold cloth?
Hold your hair back while you threw up?
Look you in the eyes and say "you can get through this"?
That's what a doula is for your birth;
Your best friend, who just so happens to be an expert in normal birth!
Someone who you can confide in and you know isn't going to look at you weird.
Someone who will hold your hair back while you throw up
and still thinks you look like a goddess!
(And she'll tell you that too)
Someone who will remind you that you are a ROCK STAR,
even when you feel your lowest and like you really can't go on a second longer.
Someone who extends grace and understanding, even when you feel so much pressure and judgement from the world.
Someone you can send a picture of your mucous plug to and they won't be freaked out.
(Yes, people do this all the time, lol)
Someone who will cheer on every milestone of your pregnancy, right alongside you.
Birth doulas are pretty amazing.
And I don't just say that because I am one
and Doulas of Greater Lafayette has the best doulas,
but because a good birth doula can really make a difference
in your pregnancy and your labor.
I'm not ever one to say "every woman needs a doula,"
because people can do just fine without them.
People can rock their births without me,
but the thing is...
Every person CAN benefit from a good birth doula!
(Just as every person can benefit from a good postpartum doula)
Unwavering, nonjudgmental, understanding,
uplifting, thoughtful, complete,
resourceful, professional, knowledgeable,
and personalized support
is what we offer.
And everyone can benefit from that kind of birth support!
I can't say enough about good authors;
A good book can make the real world disappear for a while,
it can make you dream,
it can transform you into someone or something you could never imagine,
it can truly alter your perception of reality.
The thing about good authors though,
is they often stretch and bend the truth to make things more dramatic
or entertaining; even if it is based on real events.
It has been asked, more times than I can count now,
if we (as birth doulas) will provide you with a birth story.
For years this has been a norm, most birth doula training organizations actually train you how to do this and make it something of a ceremony to give it to a family in a beautiful written form.
While in theory, there is nothing wrong with this idea, actually many families treasure these beautiful accounts for many years...
We have no desire to alter your reality.
There are so many variables and us giving our personal perspective can greatly change your perspective.
Perspective is huge.
Something we may view as incredibly traumatic, you may see as no big deal.
Can you imagine the surprise of a new mom realizing something was really intense to someone who is supposed to be an expert in normal, to someone who is their steady constant rock of support?
We don't want to alter your view of your birth.
This is about you.
Your experience and all that YOU view it to be.
We won't be your authors.
We'll leave that up to you!
Jessica Anne Dill
Mom of 5, Wife, Doula trainer, Professional Birth and Postpartum Doula, Placenta Specialist, and best friend of coffee and long naps!