"Are you going to take their place?"
"How do you help them support me?"
"I'm just worried I won't be needed if we have a doula..."
If we had a dollar for every time we've heard this or something similar from pregnant people looking at hiring a doula or their partners,
we'd be super rich!
Our answer is always very much the same and probably will never change:
We are there to support your partner and to help them support you.
"You are an absolute expert in your wife,
we are experts in birth,
we work together perfectly!"
In short, we are the people, who behind the scenes help make your partner look good.
Help you to have memories of them during your birth, amazing ones at that!
We are the gentle voice of:
Try pushing here.
She needs water.
Lets switch places.
Do you need to go to the bathroom?
Why don't you rest a bit.
You can step out and grab some coffee.
Do you need something to eat?
Here, maybe try this way.
Its okay, you're doing perfect!
You can go with baby, I will make sure she's taken care of.
And oodles more!
Birth can be unpredictable and long.
While our job is absolutely to help support you in every way possible,
your partner deserves some support too and we'll never be taking their place.
Birth is really unpredictable.
Even if you've done it many times before,
we really never know what may happen next.
You have a plan...
so does your baby...
and so does your body.
You can have the most supportive provider, take all the best classes, pick the perfect doulas,
and have a wonderful and supportive partner,
but sometimes your plan has to go out the window.
We don't like to talk about it,
but the reality is:
Sometimes everything ends up the opposite of your plan.
To some it is just the scary stuff.
To some it means a home birth transfer.
To some it means an emergency cesarean.
To some it means an epidural and pushing on your back.
We don't want to harp on these things,
we're here to help instill strength and confidence in those giving birth,
but we also want to make it clear that we support
those who feel as though they had the birth they hoped for taken from them
or that their body is broken.
As your birth doulas and postpartum doulas
to support you,
to be a shoulder,
to maybe be the only one who says "It is okay to be sad!"
Sometimes things don't go as planned,
But we want you to know that you're not alone.
We really do want to help and support you, give us a call anytime to see how we can!
"I don't know I was thinking ..., ...., ..., ..., & ..."
"I don't know, who should we invite?"
"I think my mother in law wants to be there... and my mom..."
Who is going to be at your birth is usually a huge question of discussion
during our prenatal planning sessions with our birth doula clients.
So, when you don't want to hurt feelings or you really want everyone there,
How do you make a decision about who to have at your birth?
Imagine your birth.
Who do you see being there when you close your eyes and dream of the moment?
How does the room look and feel?
Who is there and being supportive?
You, your partner, your doula, your medical team, and ....
Imagine pooping in front of whomever you're thinking of inviting.
Because honestly, that will probably happen.
Leave the invitation open ended.
Let everyone know that you may change your mind at any point and to not pressure you.
This way if you are mid active labor and decide there's just too many people or too little support, you can change your mind no questions asked.
Think about technology.
A lot of people lately have chosen, for distance purposes or room purposes to Facetime or Skype in family during birth for a while or for the entire time. It gives everyone the opportunity to be "there" you'd like, but keeps everyone from feeling like sardines packed into a tiny room.
Even having a birth photographer there, so you can share in some of the moments later can really help those who wanted to attend, but you just really didn't want to be there in the moment.
Check the policy.
Your hospital or place of birth (unless at home) has a policy in place of the amount of people allowed into the room. Especially during flu season, it can vary greatly, so checking with them can make the decision for you sometimes.
Think hard about who you WANT there.
Not just who you think might like to be there or who wants to be there,
but truly who you want to see your baby first and share in those intimate moments with.
Think about the people you feel the most comfortable with and who will be the most supportive.
No matter who you end up having there for your birth,
you want to help make sure you feel supported and as prepared as you can!
Let us know if and how we can help.
0, -1, +2, +3, -4
What in the world do these numbers mean?
Most people know about dilation numbers:
But many times when your provider or nurse checks you they also share baby's STATION.
So, what do these numbers really mean for you?
A lot of times providers will use this information along with your dilation (and other factors)
to determine if it is time to push.
These numbers are also used to determine your BISHOP score,
which is used to determine induction status.
They also can help determine if breaking your water would be a good way to pick labor up
or get your contractions going stronger.
One of the easiest ways to remember - vs + and which is which when it comes to station is
+ is positive because baby is coming soon.
In short those + and - numbers which is baby's station
is how far in or out baby is!
Jessica Anne Dill