Where do I start?
While I am very aware many struggle immensely trying to get to this point
(and you my friends, are ROCK STARS)...
I can't help but be honest:
Motherhood kinda sucks.
I mean, yeah the kids are cute and sometimes their smiles light up a room,
but when it really comes down to it,
Motherhood isn't fun for most of us or most of the time!
The world wants to tell us that if we say this we are bad people,
that we don't love our kids.
But that just isn't the case!
I love my kids with all my heart,
I'd jump in front of a bus for them in a heartbeat,
but motherhood just isn't my jam!
I don't like wiping butts and cleaning up pee.
I don't like feeling like someone needs me 24/7.
I don't like the constant touching.
I don't like feeding people at least 3 times a day.
(Like, who eats this much!?)
I don't like not being able to pee alone.
I don't like having to pay someone, just so I can walk out of my front door alone.
I don't like not sleeping.
I don't like the can't even get in the car without it being a production.
I don't like picking poop out of the bathtub...
POOP, out of the bathtub!
Some say, "You knew what you were getting into"
Does anyone REALLY know until it happens?!
Saying I'll be fine not sleeping for a couple months (or years)
is completely different than LIVING with no sleep!
Saying I love babies and can't wait for all the cute cuddles
is completely different than holding a crying baby for hours and walls covered in poop
(because yes, poop just keeps happening)!
Saying I LOVE my children
is completely different than loving motherhood.
There are some amazing and beautiful moments, don't get me wrong.
But it is OK to not love motherhood.
It is okay to not like the day to day and the loneliness that can come with it.
It is okay to feel those feelings!
I hear you.
I love my children too,
but I don't love motherhood.
(And before y'all go on about LOVING motherhood,
I know some people do... and that's cool too!)
The original blog that spawned my feelings of being able to write this one can be found HERE
It feels different.
Everything about it feels different.
You relax a little more,
you think a little less,
and enjoy a little more.
When you make the decision to have your last baby it just isn't the same.
Maybe your on number 6 and still aren't sure, but they are telling you this needs to be the last.
Maybe it is baby number three and your family feels complete.
There's something special about it.
Your body will never again carry another human in the safety and beautiful way it is again.
You rest a little more and enjoy those little flutter kicks more than ever.
You look at your belly and think time after time how it will never again look like this.
You take pictures and kind of don't want it to be over... until you do!
There's moments of sadness and moments of thankfulness.
And then baby comes...
And everything feels like whirlwind.
You want it to slow down, but golly you want to hurry up and sleep.
You cuddle a little more.
You take in that perfectly sweet smell, just a little bit longer than you used to.
You slowly begin to realize that growing out of that outfit means it is really gone forever.
With each milestone you can't help but think, I'm never going to see one of my babies do this again.
You hold on a little tighter in those hugs and cuddle a little longer before bed.
You laugh and you cry just a tad more over the falls
and the amazing potty training triumphs, as diapers are now a thing of your past as well.
You have a campaign toast with your partner as they climb onto the bus for that first day of school,
right behind your other babes because, by golly, you made it...
and then start the tears.
The last one feels different.
It feels final.
It can feel scary and hard and sometimes like you just might not want it.
But the last one is important.
They teach you that all those moments you may have thought were silly or insignificant, were not.
They are important.
The last one teaches you to take just a little longer
and hold on just a little tighter.
The last one is different.
Jessica Anne Dill
Mom of 5, Wife, Doula trainer, Professional Birth and Postpartum Doula, Placenta Specialist, and best friend of coffee and long naps!