To the Woman who called my birth "gross",
I hope you're doing well.
I think of you often and in my heart hope you are happy.
(And not like the sarcastic "happy", but really happy!)
Everyone deserves happiness,
even those who have cut other's down on their most difficult of days.
I want to Thank you.
NOT what you were expecting right?
Not what you were expecting from the woman you told after watching her birth video how "GROSS and UGLY" her birth was because "a C-section can NEVER be beautiful".
But here's the thing:
You made me who I am.
(I mean, I did all the hard work, but still... just keep reading)
You cut me so deep, that there wasn't a chance in the world I would ever do that to someone else.
You molded me into someone who can look at any woman who is proud and think "FUCK YEAH! That is AMAZING girl!" whether I agree or not.
Those words, that for months, even years haunted my thoughts...
making me second guess who I was and my choices
and, for goodness sakes, my entire life;
those words that when I finally was feeling like I had some peace, broke me into a million pieces...
Without you I'd be an activist.
I'd be someone screaming from the rooftops about how wrong certain things are... but you know what?
I've grown into someone who is supportive of choices.
Someone who understands that what may be perfect and "beautiful" for one person, may not be for everyone.
And THAT is OKAY!
I've thought about writing you for a long time and today, as I work through my Childbirth Education Course Testing, seemed to be a good day after 6 years.
Knowing that I'm going to walk forward teaching anyone that whatever path they chose it can be BEAUTIFUL!
And I'm going to cheer them on like
the Varsity Captain Cheerleader at State Finals in football!
Because they made a choice and if they are happy and proud of it,
then hot-damn, I'm going to lift them up some more!
I remember your words, but they don't cut me anymore.
And I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for them,
I think of you and I really do wish you ALL the best!
I also hope you have found or can find the same place on your journey of life
that I have.
Because the thing is:
the next person you say these words to may not come out the other side.
Much love to you and your family,
Jessica Anne Dill
AND In case you want to watch my FAVORITE video ever (my 5th cesarean birth) WARNING- It is graphic:
Jessica Anne Dill